Most popular Most visited Tier list List of unlockables (SSBM) Super Smash Bros. Brawl Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS and Wii U Super Smash Bros. Melee Tabuu Adventure Mode: The Subspace Emissary Highest ratings Newly changed Super Smash Bros. Melee Wizard's Foot Clone Mario (SSBWU/3DS) Kirby (SSBWU/3DS) Pit (SSBWU/3DS) Captain Falcon (SSBWU/3DS) Blogs Discussions Rules & Policies Admins' noticeboard Affiliates Help pages Fanon Wiki Games Characters Stages Modes Items Event matches Category index

Sort By

  • All
  • Following

Ragna the Bloodedge

I have made a case for this guy to be in Smash in the past, but now I am starting to think that there is a very good chance he'll be in Sma5h.

It just so happens that the newest BlazBlue game is coming to Switch. It is the first BlazBlue game to ever grace Nintendo. The game, BlazBlue: Cross Tag Battle, as the name suggests, introduces a MVC element to the game... specifically Infinite with the 2 character teams format.

This game is likely going to be looking for lots of publicity... So how about they pull a Shulk scenario and put Ragna the Bloodedge in? It's hardly a new notion of putting a new character in Smash to promote a game. Here are examples I can think of.

Shulk- Xenoblade Chronicles

Bayonetta- ...Bayonetta

Greninja- Pokémon X and Y (Greninja was revealed for Smash before X and Y was released)

Cloud: Final Fantasy VII (HD Remaster)

Corrin: Fire Emblem Fates (Corrin had a similar situation to Greninja, though Corrin actually was released for Smash before Fire Emblem Fates release; technically making Sm4sh Corrin's first game)

So this looks all looks good for The Grim Reaper, but is he fit for smash?

Sure he is. The put Ryu in, and BlazBlue plays relatively similar to Street Fighter, except for the fact that there are more air combos in BlazBlue... wait, AIR COMBOS?! I wonder what other game as cool air combos... Also Ragna fits the Smash trope of, Spiky hair, Flashy outfit, and a Big ass sword.

Here is a picture of him and tell me what you think about this guy's edition.
Post image
2 18

Mario isn't top 5 -episode 1 out of 23-

A long, long time ago, the earth was ruled by dinosaurs. They were big, so not a lot of people went around hassling 'em. Actually, no people went around hassling 'em because there weren't any people yet. Just the first tiny mammals. Basically life was good. - You know, it just don't get no better'n this. - Yeah. Then somethin'happened. A giant meteorite struck the earth. Good- bye, dinosaurs. But what if the dinosaurs weren't all destroyed? What if the impact of that meteorite created a parallel dimension... where the dinosaurs continue to thrive and evolve into intelligent... vicious, aggressive beings, just like us? And, hey! What if they found a way back? Hey, lady, what are you doing! Ohhh! - Where's the rock? - Koopa! Aaah! Welcome to Miraculous World... where each week we ask unanswered questions. Today on our Miraculous World, another dimension... the universe next door. An alternate world separated by time and space... and yet somehow joined and contiguous with our own. Mario Brothers Plumbing, no leak too small. Uh- huh. Uh- hu... no, no, no. Don't touch it. No, no... It's not a big problem. Just leave it to the professionals. When I looked around, I was somewhere else. - Another dimension, you mean? - Sure. - Another dimension, the universe next door. - Okay, we'll be right there. Luigi! We got a broken dishwasher at the Riverfront Caf. You know what that means? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We got work! Oh, Mario, Mario, right now on "Miraculous World," this guy just found out... that he was in another dimension. The only thing miraculous I know is that we're still eatin'... - while we're goin' broke. - We ain't "goin" broke, Mario. We're already there. - Yeah? - Ow! Oh! Are you spendin'money on this stuff? Look at this! Yeah, but that's got the article about the missing Brooklyn girls in it. Oh, yeah? It's also got one on the scientist... - who turns brains into cheese. - Yeah, well, you don't know. It could happen. How could that possibly happen? Anything's possible, Mario. You just gotta believe. I do believe. I believe the rent is three months overdue. That's what I believe. - Hey, turn left here. - Fine, fine. Left! I said left! - What are you doin'? - I don't know, Mario. Just trust me, I got a good feeling about this alleyway. I don't know. - What? - My instincts tell me this would be faster... Breathe in, big brother, we'll get there. Luigi! You know, I read that sea turtles navigate thousands of miles on instinct. Not in New York traffic they don't. What're you complainin' about? Come on, we're here, aren't we? - You're getting worse. - I'm gettin' worse? How did we get into sea turtles? - Faster. What'd I tell ya, huh? - It's a miracle we made it alive. I thought you didn't believe in miracles, Mr. Tough Guy, huh? Scapelli! They beat us to it again. Another lost job! One of Brooklyn's largest construction projects... has been ordered shut down as university students... continue their search for dinosaur bones. Head contractor Anthony Scapelli is now arriving... hoping to settle the dispute. Hey, Mr. Scapelli! - Who's in charge of this hole? - It's him again. - I'm the boss here. - I'm Anthony Scapelli. I'm the boss elsewhere. My boys need to get back to work here. How long are you gonna be diggin' up these bones? As long as our court order lasts, Mr. Scapelli. The university has explained to you how important this site is. But we'd be done here a lot sooner if your goons would stop harassing us. You look like a smart girl. I bet you'll be done by tonight. I know a lot of girls who've been going missing in Brooklyn lately. I'd be careful. James, I'm gonna find a phone and call the university. All right. Keep everyone digging 'til I get back. They say it's dog. Don't blow it this time. There she is. - Yeah, you sure? - Two arms, one head, two legs. Koopa's gonna kill us if we blow it again. Let's get her! Luigi, I told you to check the radiator. Take it easy, will ya? Relax, it's been makin' that sound all week. Oh, come on, Luigi, you didn't tell me... Oh, man! Be careful, it's hot. Be careful. Whoo! - Aah! Here we go. - I'll do this. - Go check the messages. See if we got any work. - All right. All right. - I missed. - Nice job! Where're you goin'? To get some water. Hello, this is Al Bronsky... from Al Bronsky's Department Stores. - I have a big flood over here. So get all your plumbers. Get extra plumbers. - Thanks. Bring every plumber you... Everybody's got tap water! Three bucks! - Any jobs? - No. Thank you. Hi, it's Daisy. Listen, we're gonna need more security down here. I don't care about the money. Scapelli's down here making threats, and I... She's beautiful, huh? - Who? - Her. Her? - She's nice. Go talk to her. Go on! - No. I can't. I can't. - Come on, go talk to her. What's the matter with you? - I don't know what to say. Fine. Bye. - Here she comes. Here she comes. - Excuse me. Thank you. - For letting me use the phone. - Oh, sure. - And for the quarter. - Are you okay? I've got a few problems, but... Well, you know, we got a van. It's nice. Yeah, well... No, no, I'm asking you if you want a ride. Oh, but, uh, it's broken. - Well... - Your name's Daisy, isn't it? I overheard your name was Daisy. You know, I haven't heard that name around here. It's really nice too. It's... No, I have heard it, 'cause it's like the flower... and everything, but... Not that I hang around the flower shops or nothin' like that. What my brother is trying to say is he doesn't know what to say. Doesn't even know how to begin, but... he has offered you a ride, and if it would help you out, please... step into the van. That might not be a bad idea. Okay. Thanks. - I thought it was broken. - I fixed it. Oh, here. This is as far as we can go. - I'll have to walk the rest of the way. - Wait. W- W- Wait. - Ma'am. - Oh! Why, thank you, sir. - Well, thank you for the ride. - It's a pleasure to meet me. I mean, it's a pleasure to meet you. - Dinner. - Do you eat? Yeah. - Dinner? - Sure. - Tonight. - Tonight? Oh. Okay. - At 6:00, all right? - Be here. Great. Bye. Bye. What would you do without your big brother, huh? Like to give it a shot and find out. - Ah, come on! - I'm just about to ask her that. You weren't about to ask her nothin; You was gonna let her go. - Now she's gonna think I'm a complete idiot. - You're gonna see her tonight. You'll impress her with your manners. Yeah, but why did you tell her that I suck my thumb, huh? So, now, let me get this perfectly clear here. What we're discussing is bones. - Not exactly. - Okay, so Scapelli blasted... - Hey! - through the bone and rock and found what? - Iridium. - Oh. Well, that's, that's unbelievable. Well, it means that a meteorite hit here a long time ago, and... well, we think it could be what destroyed all the dinosaurs. Wow, there were dinosaurs in Brooklyn? Relax, Luigi. There used to be Dodgers here too. Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you come on down to the tanning salon... and I can hook you up with some free tans. Bring a nice bathing suit. Something strapless so you don't get a tan line. - And you want to take off that rock. - Well, actually, you know... I, I never take it off. Well, I know it sounds weird, but, I mean... it's the only thing I have from when I was found. - Found? - Oh, I was abandoned. - Ohh! - I grew up at St. Theresa's on Fulton street. You mean, you don't know who your mother and your father are neither? No. What do you mean "neither"? 'Cause Mario here brought me up. - He's been my mother my whole life. - Hey! My father, my father! He's been my father, my uncle, my brother, everybody. Well, what are you two kids gonna do tonight? Well, we could take the van back ourselves. Um, if you're not doing anything later tonight... I would like to walk you home. Okay. - Spike! Spike! - Iggy. - Where're you going? That's not the girl. - I'm goin' to get the girl. Yes, it is. She's wearing a disguise. I can spot her a mile away. Of course she's wearing a disguise. She thinks she can fool us. - I'm gonna go get her. - I'm gonna go get her. Wait a minute. We'll follow her, and then we'll both go get her. - Good idea. I bag her, you grab her. - No, I grab her, you bag her. - That's what I said. - Exactly. - This is the one. - That's what you said about the last four girls. - I did? - You did. Outta my way! You know, I just wanna say one thing first. I want to apologize right now, in case... when I start to get talkin'... and I start to say things that sound really weird... Uh, weird? Weird... Look, weird is working in a bone pit all day. And then spending your nights reading about things that have been dead for 65 million years. - I mean, that is weird. - Well, I... I find that fascinating. And I mean... You know what, if you just wanna end this right now... - I would understand. - You know, I was gonna ask you the same thing. If, if you wanna end this right now and you feel bad about that... but you wanna talk to somebody about it, you could call me. You really think what I do is interesting? I think it's incredible. Well, you know... if you want... I could show you. I'd love you to show me. Show me. - See you tomorrow. - Okay. Good night, okay? Drive carefully. Mario! You don't stand a chance. I won. That's what you think. Oh, that was sneaky. We don't even have any security here. That's what I was calling about on the phone today. You see, I can't get the university to give me any extra money. - Is that why you were talking about Scapelli? - Yeah, well... Scapelli was down here with his crew blasting at the site... and that's when they found the fossils. - Are you sure you know where you're goin'? - It's just ahead. Is this your office or somethin'? Doesn't it give you the creeps? Well, it's more like a home. I feel comfortable down here. Comfortable? Okay. - Well, this is it. Have a look. - Wow! Awesome! Oh, check this out! These are all strange new species. Look at this one. The way the bones fit here... and the opposable thumb. It's almost as if... he was a monster trying to be a human being. It's beautiful. You're beautiful. - Oh, my... Hey! Hey! - Hey, you guys! - It's the Scapellis! - Oh, no! Well, what did they, they do? What've you got down there? They're destroying everything. Is it the sump pump? Thank God you're here! I mean... - What do you mean? - I mean, you're a plumber, right? Oh, yeah. Well, I don't know exactly what to do. - Mario, Scapelli's floodin' the site! - We need your help. - Scapelli? - Yeah. Strap your belt on, kid. We're goin' in. Scapelli's been trying to force us out ever since we got here. It's sabotage. Down here! Hurry! - This way! - Allow me. I'm a professional. - Looks like the bottom one, right? - Yeah. - One and 1/16, open- ended. - One and 1/16, open- ended. Wrong again. How many times have we got this wrong? - You've gotten it wrong five times. - "O" for five, "O" for five. - What percent is that? - I don't know. Let me think. I don't know, but it's not good. If we get it wrong one more time, he's gonna kill us. He's not gonna kill us. He's not that nice. Up ahead. It's her. I sense her. I definitely know it's her. Basin wrench. - Basin wrench. - Great. - Here. Hand. - Hand. Now, does this guy know his stuff, or does this guy know his stuff, huh? - Okay, you ready? - Say when. Let's go... now. Scapelli's just an amateur. Aaah! Daisy? Daisy, where are you? Daisy! Answer me! Daisy, where are you? Come on, let's go this way. - No, no. No, it's this way. - Come on, let's go this way. - That's the echo. - How do you know? - I've been listening to pipes all my life. Come on. - Okay, come on. Daisy! Luigi, this is a mistake. It's a dead end. Come on, let's turn back. - Okay, then you go back. - Luigi, please. Give me the light. Come on, give me the light. Daisy? Luigi, you see how deep that is? Get back. - Aaah! Lean back! - The light! Let it go! - Oh, God! - Ahhh! Hold on to me. Daisy? - Watch it. - Luigi! You see that? Help me! Daisy! Is that you? Luigi! - No! - Luigi! - Daisy? - Get off of me! No! - Did you see that? - Yeah, did you? - Yeah. - Oh. That's solid rock! - I got a feelin'. - No, Luigi, forget it. - I gotta go with it. - Forget it, it's rock. Look down there. Luigi! Luigi! I don't believe this. - Mario! - I disintegrated. Am I still here? What is this place? There she is, come on! Come on, let's go, run! - Where are you taking me? - Back to where you belong. - No, you're hurting me! - I'm gonna kill 'em! No, you're not gonna kill 'em. Not if I get there first. I'm gonna break every bone in their body, and then I'm gonna kill 'em. I'm really gonna kill 'em. - Help me! - Daisy, I'm coming! - Get off of me! - Excuse me. - You better not hurt her! - Help! Grade- A Express to Koopa Canyon! Excuse me. I'm sorry. Excuse me, I'm sorry. Gentlemen, the Koopa Union is cancelled. - Passengers transfer at Koopa Square. - Get out of my way! Where the hell are we? This is crazy! We went under the river, but this can't be Manhattan. Where is this place? I don't know, I ain't been to Manhattan in a couple of weeks. Must've been a bad couple of weeks. - No! - There she is! - Daisy! - Luigi? - Daisy! - Luigi! - Mario! - We're coming! - You better not hurt her! Somebody, do something! - Hey! - No stalling up traffic. Move along! - Somebody stop her! Daisy! - Are you a cop, or what? - Come on, get off me, man! - Are you okay? - I'm okay, yeah. - You're the one without the patent. - Yeah, well, you're the old one. - Oh, my God! Look at that! - Get outta here! Watch out! Excuse me. - This stuff's sticky. - Yuck! - Hey. - Get away from my baby! Get away from my baby! - What is this place? This is crazy! - I don't know. - Where are we? - I don't know. Maybe we got knocked unconscious... for a hundred years, and we woke up in the Manhattan of the future. Maybe the Bronx of today. - No wonder they tell you never to come up here. - Mario, I got a feelin; - I got a feelin' we're not in Brooklyn no more. - Where're you goin'? Hey! Look at this place. Pathetic. It gets worse every day. - It's disgusting. - The humans on the other side... have a world full of resources ready for the taking. - Imagine an endless supply of food... - I know. - Clean air, water... and what are we stuck with? - Mmmm. This... pit hole... germs everywhere, fungus. Sixty- five million years... we've been exiled here... after the meteorite struck... while mammals roam free in the other dimension. Well... not for long. When you get your rock. When I get the princess. - Princess? - I need the rock... and the Princess Daisy. I'll finally be able to merge our world with theirs and get rid of the mammals! Yes, it's everything you've hoped for, everything you've worked for. - Excuse me, cousin. - Hello, morons. - Hello. - Hello. - I captured the princess. She's being de- fungused. - Ah! Ah! - But I took her through the gateway. - I recognized her. He couldn't tell one mammal from another. Good. Now... where's the rock? - Rock, sir? - Rock, sir? The meteorite piece that she wears around her neck... and I told you not to forget it! - That rock. - I told you not to forget it! And I told you to remind him! Without that piece the meteorite lays dormant. I'll not be able to merge the dimensions. Where is it? - The plumbers took it. - Plumbers? Plumber alert. Plumber alert. That's right. The Koopa man is looking for a couple of plumbers. And there's a big coin reward, 2,000 gold Koopa coins. Guess he must have a serious plumbing problem. Fried tweeter, only 20 Koopas. Enjoy your spiny burger here. Hey, fried tweeter, only 20 Koopas. You like little wigglers? Hey, listen. If we're gonna eat in this place, we're gonna have to be very, very hungry. Excuse me, excuse me, Miss Lady, can you tell me where I am? Yeah, you're in my way, egg suckers. Who are these people? - Are you boys new here in town? - Lady, we're lookin' for somebody... - and we're from Brooklyn. - Yeah. You know, boys, it's very dangerous here in this neighborhood. - You shouldn't wander around without a weapon. - Yeah. - You got one? - No. All right. Get 'em up, suckers! Koopa coins! I need Koopa coins! - Well, this oughta do... - D- D- Don't touch that! - Just fine! - That's not even ours! - Hey! - Let me go! What are you d... Put me down! Bats! Um, you wanna give us the rock back, lady? Come and get it, big boy. Hey! Hey, guys! Cheer up! Things could get worse. # Ain't got no water anywhere # # Food's bad, so's the air # # Got no resources in a great big stupor # # All because of the evil King Koopa # - Whoaah! - You know the law, Toad. Hey, wait a minute. You can't arrest a guy for just singin' a song. For anti- Koopa songs, we can. Ah- ha! Plumbers! - He is. I'm just apprenticing. But I didn't do anything! - Get in the car! Are you tellin' us that you can arrest a guy for bein' a plumber? Get outta here! - Get in there, plumber! Now! - Hey, what is this? - What did we do? - I'm gettin' arrested for bein' a plumber! Write his number down! - Stop pushing me! - Is that Daisy? - Daisy. Daisy! You too! Daisy! - Daniella? Daniella! - Are you okay? - What's going on? I don't really know. There's this guy, his name is Koopa. And he's lookin' for this princess. I guess none of us here fit the bill. You boys ain't from around here, are ya? - Brooklyn. - Brooklyn. Hey, what're you doin'? - Name? - Mario. - Last name? - Mario. - Okay, what's your name? - Luigi. - Luigi Luigi? - No, Luigi Mario. Okay, look! How many Marios are there between the two of you? There's three. There's Mario Mario and Luigi Mario. Mike! Mike! Help these Marios around the side. Stop pushin' me around. Prepare to be de- fungused. I'm not goin' in there! Aaah! Oooh! - Hold still. - Whooaa! It's cold! What is this? Brrr! Let's go, move it! Come on! That way, let's go! What was that? The fungus unit. The fungus is choking the city. - Come on, move! Move! - Oh, come on! - Give me a break, man. - Okay, through the gate! Through the gate! Move it! Go! Go! Let's go! Go! Come on! Hey, Mario, look. I grew an inch. Hey, what's that? What's that red... Oh, my God! Oh, no! Ohhh! Oh, no! Are we dead? # How, how, how # # Sitting here in a cramped detention # # With brothers from another dimension # # Thinkin' about my sur... ## Say, what's another word that rhymes with "dimension"? - Yeah, "tension." And I'm full of it, so shut up. - Wait a minute! What did you mean "another dimension"? Did you mean like... - our worlds have crossed over or somethin' like that? - Sure, kid. You know, according to history, a long time ago a big meteorite came... - and blasted our universes into parallel dimensions. - Yeah. You know what else I think? All that fungus out there. That's our old king. It's true. But he's been de- evolved. That's right. He's been de- evolved into fungus, and now... - he's wreaking his revenge on the city. - Mario Brothers! Yeah, that's us! You better get a lawyer and get us outta this chicken coop. - Yeah, me too! - You got one. - Let's go. Come on. - Just let me do the talking. Shut up! Boys, boys... sit down. How's prison? You look like hell. I'm, uh... Larry Lazard, of Lazard, Lazard... Conda, Dactyl, and Cohen. Who sent you? Are you from the city? No, I'm from that, uh, little part of all of us... that can't stand to see someone else in need or pain. Yeah, I'll bet. Wh- Who's this Koopa clown? We gotta talk to that goofball now. I don't think you wanna do that. - Why? - Why not? - That Koopa clown... - Yeah? Is one evil, egg- sucking son of a snake. Now... where is that meteorite piece? The what? - You know what I'm talking about! - Hey, hey, hey! - Ow! - No one touches President Koopa. You're Koopa? Well, you just said you were one... One evil, egg- sucking son of a snake. Did I lie? Take these two plumbers... to the devo chamber. - I'm all right. - Come on. What a lousy chamber... ever since Koopa took over. And you, Koopa! You're a lousy leader! One thing I cannot stand is naysaying. Simon, de- evolve him now. De- evolve. - Cretaceous. - Our old king! You tried to get rid of him, but the king is everywhere. - You can't get rid of him. - See you later, alligator. Ever! You may think of evolution as an upward process. Things evolve from primeval slime... up to single- cell organisms... up to... intelligent life. De- evolution, of course, works the opposite way. Back to simpler forms. For instance... even our musical friend, Toad... can become... a loyal child of the royal family. Goombas, ah! - Why'd you do that to him? - Hey, no, no! Not now, not now. What single- cell organism did you evolve from? Tyrannosaurus Rex, the lizard king, thank you very much. Goomba. Whereas my evolution was wonderful and sweet, your de- evolution... will be a living nightmare if you don't tell me... where that meteorite piece is. That's Toad? Yes. Loyal... lethal... and stupid. Goomba, walk tall. Be proud. Go, Goomba! Join the Goombas. Guards, guards, arrest these plumbers! - De- evolve. - You're goin'back... - where you belong, lizard. - Help me! Help me! - Keep going. Got it? - Got it. Yeah! Let's get outta here! I'll kill that plumber! We're back in the police station! Hey, Mario, look at this. These little mushroom things on the fungus. Great! A building with athlete's foot! Hey, look at that. What is that? Goombas! Come on, let's go! Well, look! It was trying to give us that thing. - Swing. Keep swinging. - Okay. - I'm swinging, I'm swinging. - Just keep hanging. Close your eyes. Hey, hey, hey, look what he's doing! - Yee- haw! - Hang on. Hey, man, this is fun! Whoa! - Get ready. Get ready. - What was that? - I'm ready, I'm ready! - Whoo! Ooh, yeh! Yeh, yeh! Now! All right, which door? - Okay, my instinct tells me this one. - Come on, come on. - Let's go in this one. - Oh! - Come on! - I'm coming. - Let's get outta here! - Here we... Okay. - They got us! What're we gonna do? - Number one. - We steal this car. Number two. I'm driving. - All right. - Help me, man! - Come on! Hey, wait for me! Don't take off! - Okay. - Let's see what I got over here. Now where's the starter on this thing? I got a feeling about this, Mario- rooni. I can't believe you can do that. Comes from sittin' on my butt all day playing video games. Got it! - Let's get outta here. - Let's hit the bricks. Hey! Security alert. Stand by for special bulletin. Mario, look! - You look terrible! - You don't look so good yourself. Alien species escaping from police detention. - Aliens? We gotta deal with aliens too? - Luigi, we're the aliens. We are? Whoa, cool! - Hey, Mario, you're going the wrong way! - How would you know? - Trust me. - Huh! - You're driving like a maniac! Would you watch it? - You wanna drive? - I'm not riding with you anymore. - Okay, you drive. No, what are you doing? - How're you steering this? - I'm not. I hope the guy downstairs knows where we're going. Yeah, hey! This is drivin'! Cool, Mario. Brace yourself! Now! - All right! - Ahhhh! Glug, glug, glug, glug! Which way? - Take the parkway. - Right. Perfect. Perfect. - You said the parkway. - I know, but I wanted the tunnel... so I said parkway 'cause I knew you'd go the opposite way I suggested. Hey, watch it! What're you doing? Warning. Leaving power grid. Powering down. I can't stop this thing. I can't see where I'm going! Look out, Mario! - Hit the brakes! Do something! - There are no brakes! - This fungus is gonna kill us! - We're gonna hit the end of the tunnel! Look out! Hey, was that superior drivin' skills or what? Let's get outta here before this fungus stuff eats us alive! Hey, the fungus just saved us. What're you talkin' about? It was my drivin' that saved us. It wasn't your driving. That tunnel just sneezed us out. And then this giant booger caught us in the air. That's what saved us. Ah, come on! Let's get outta here. - Uh- huh! You there! Excuse me, sir. - Sorry. Sir! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We didn't mean to disturb you. But the plumbers, they're in the tunnel. They're on their way to the desert. What are you doing here instead of being in the desert heading them off? That's exactly what I told him, sir. Exactly what I told him. Between you and me, Spike hasn't got a thought in his brain, sir. Huh, huh! He's a liar, sir. Between us, Iggy doesn't have a brain in his head. - I agree. - They're your relatives. - Wait outside! - We'll wait outside. - You blew it. - You, Lena, bring me the princess. And have her cleaned up. Do you know what I love about mud? It's clean and it's dirty at the same time. The princess. - Are you here to help us? - Hardly. Now let me guess which one of you... is Daisy. Princess Daisy. - Princess? - What? - Princess Daisy? - This is gettin' weird. Ah... you have your mother's eyes. Come with me. Good- bye, Spike. I'm gonna miss ya. Have a nice trip. See ya next fall. Evolve. Advanced. Good choice, cousin. I always thought he'd make a great Goomba. Bye, Spike. Ah, our not- so- benevolent dictator, as it were. - Ignatius, do you know what the square root of 26,481 is? - What are you talking about? - One- hundred ninety- one. - What? What are you doing? Not me. No, no, not me, cousin! Not me! Spike! Help me, Spike! Perhaps if I could just make you idiots smarter... - you won't screw up this time. - Please, not me. Not me, cuz. No. No- o- o! Oh, my. How peculiar. That's quite an agreeable transmogrification. - More like a... transfiguration. - Ah! A super- metamorphosis. - Huh? - Enough! - Both of you go to the desert! - Excuse me, excuse me. That hardly seems logical, does it? Perhaps we should stay and formulate our own strategy. Tete- a- tete, inner circle, that sort of thing. Here's what's logical to me. If you do not return with the plumbers and the rock... I shall personally kill you. - We're going. - After you, Ignatius. - It was your mother's. - What do you know about my mother? She was quite an inspiration... to some. When Koopa took over, she stole the rock and smuggled you to the other side. Then she died. What about my father, is he alive? It depends on what you mean by living. - What are you talking about? - Listen to me. I don't care whose daughter you are. Koopa thinks you're the only one who can merge the dimensions. I've waited too long to let all this slip away. - Well, you said the tunnel. - I did not! - I said parkway! - But you meant the tunnel. Go on, pick a direction. Any direction you like. Hey, that looks good. Over there, huh? That's it. Let's die there. Are the Goombas training with the hand- held de- evolution gun? - As we speak, sir. - Excellent. After the merge it will be nice to see the humans de- evolve, won't it? What is it that they come from? I keep forgetting. - It's mice or something. - Apes, sir. Monkeys. Disgusting mammals. Your princess is here. Well, my, my. Looks like you got up on the wrong side of the nest this morning. - You're a... - Go ahead and say it. Dinosaur. Yoshi is a pet of the royal family. You may pet him. Just, uh... don't move your hands around like a small wounded animal. You must be the Great Koopa. That I am. Ruler of all that you see. A few... miserable streets and... endless desert. You've done a lovely job. Well... thank you. Where's my father? Um! Ah. He's around. You are so fresh. And so clean. Don't fight it. You know you've always been uncomfortable in the human world. And you've at least suspected that you were... different. I've suspected a lot of things. But not that I... That you descended from the dinosaurs. And you know what they say... about little girls, don't you? - No. - Hmm? They say they never forget... the first time they're kissed by a lizard. Take her away. I'll need to... use her later. Throwback. Plumbers. Affirmative! Come, come, come, quickly! - Quickly, after them, cousin! - I'm with you, cousin. Go forward! That way, cuz! Go right! Go right! - Ah! Ah! Ah! - In the name of King Koopa. - We arrest you! - Surrender immediately! If you two don't start talkin'... We gonna leave ya to these guys... for lunch. - Now, where's Daisy? - No, no, no. - Where's the rock, scalawag? - Where's Daisy, butt breath? Where's the rock, overweening rogue? - Not until you give us Daisy, biscuit head! - Where is the rock? Shut up! Now, what's with this rock? The rock is a piece of a special meteorite... which was chipped off upon impact 65 million years ago. Once this rock is reinserted into the meteorite... our two dimensions will reunite and we will become one. And our cousin, Koopa, shall become ruler of both our worlds. I don't get it. - Why didn't he come through before like you clowns? - You fools! It's been sealed off for years until someone on your side blasted it open again. Scapelli. What if we get you the rock? Will you get us Daisy? - Oh. Yeah. - Yes... I think that proposal would mutually benefit both our parties. - Okay, now, hand over the rock. - Someone took it. By the bar. That lady with the red spikes who mugged us... - Was she corpulent? Very corpulent? - No, she's just really round. Ah- ha! Big Bertha, the bouncer at the Boom Boom Bar! Hey. Don't do that. You'll hurt yourself. Oh. I guess we're both prisoners here, huh? Look! We'll hijack a sludge gulper... - and drive into the city! - Then what? First we get the rock, then we'll take ya to Daisy in the tower. Get your wrench. Oh, man, I lost all my tools! Ah! Come on, let's go. Come on! What are you waitin' for? It's clear. - We did it! We did it! - Yeah! - I'm brilliant! - For mammals, you guys are quite acceptable. - Isn't this a little bit feminine? - It was my ex- wife's. But you wear this stuff? - Yes, on occasion we have a date. - Who do ya date, a canary? # 'Tain't no big thing # # To wait for the bell to ring # # 'Tain't no big thing # # The toll of the bell # Here, bring the tags back. Thank you. # Aggravated, I stare for days # # I stroll downtown to the red light place # # Jump up, bubble up what's in store # - # Love is the drug and I need to score # - Look for the red spikes. # Show him out, show him out hit and run # # Boy meets girl where the beat goes on # Hi. You're looking for those plumbers? Well, I think I spotted 'em. My friends... - to the downfall of Koopa. - The sooner, the better! - There she is. - Where? Up there. Leave this to me. No woman can resist the charm of a Mario. Hey! The name's Mario! I'm your main man. Your "ram- a- dame," your can of"spaim." You all right? You okay? Maybe she's a little shy. Excuse me. Will you hit me again? I've never seen such fluidity. The way your knuckles crunch... as you smack them into my face. Huh? Dance with me. I'll hit you all you like. - All right. - That's it, Mario. Go, Mario. # Do do do do do do # # I would stop the world for you, babe # - # Stop # - # I would stop the things I do # # If I knew you loved me too # # I would change my whole world over# - # Stop # - # I would fade my history # # If I could see your future with me now # # White lies should open the dark room baby # # Blue skies don't last forever# # Sunshine's so hard to believe in baby # # I would stop the world for you # # If I knew you loved me too # - # Stop # - # Sure love you baby ## You did it! What are we gonna do? - Here it is. Buttonhook, scramble and right fake, okay? - Yeah. Get them. Seven, 24, hut! # I walked the dinosaur# # Open the door get on the floor# # Everybody walk the dinosaur# # Open the door, get on the floor# # Everybody walk the dinosaur# - # Open the door get on the floor# - Liberate! It's not too late! - She's got the rock! - We'll get it later! - # Everybody walk the dinosaur# - Mmm. # Goom- goom lock- a lock- a lock- a goom # # Goom- goom lock- a lock- a goom- goom # # I met you in a cave you were paintin'the walls # - How we gonna get outta here? - Use the stompers. - Here? - Put in a cartridge. Click your heels together. These? Over here, pudgy buns. - There's no time for that now! Come on! - Thanks. Look, look! Look, another one! Wait, wait, Mario, I think it wants me to take it. Stop fiddlin' with the fungus and let's get outta here. - There they are! - Get 'em! - Cops! Daisy! - Goombas! The rock! The tower! - A sludge- gulper! Jump! - Okay! What a way to go to Koopa's tower. - You wanna wait for a bus? - How we gonna get in there? I got two words for you: "Im," "possible." Nothing's impossible, Mario. Improbable, unlikely, but never impossible. I hope you're right. My, my. You have let yourself go! You see? I'm not such a bad guy. You always wanted to be everywhere. Well, now you are. I wanna tell you something. You can go ahead and choke this little mushroom kingdom all you want. 'Cause I'm outta here! I'm out into the bigger world. I got a couple of plumbers bringin' me the rest of the meteorite. Soon to be dead plumbers. And by the way... you really oughta try to pull yourself back together again. Slime bucket. Whoa. Whoa! Oh, my God. Daisy's in there somewhere. I know it. But where do we start? Python Pizza here. May I help you? - King Koopa here. - Ah, yes, sir. - I'd like the Koopa Special. - Pterodactyl tail on that? Yes. Dino, lizard, hold the mammal, no worms... and, uh, spicy. Walk in. Look at this. It's a plumber's nightmare. These pipes haven't been serviced for years. Must've been a nonunion job. Luigi, lock off all these valves. - What? - It's the heating system. Ow! Ow! Ouch! Treat your tools like a friend: Keep 'em by ya... never let 'em down and they're always at your side. Hey, Mario, how come it is that for every situation... ya always got a saying about tools, huh? - I got 'em from Papa. - He got 'em from Grandpapa. We'll freeze 'em. Keep 'em busy while we make our way up. How can we do that? We can't just take an elevator. We gotta do something. We tripped the alarm. - What do you think I am, stupid? - Yes. How we gonna get up, huh? Like Marios. Ha- ha! Ingeniously! Come on. Glug, glug, glug, glug! Look out. - You're ingenious, Mario, ingenious. - Shut up. Iggy and Spike have been preaching your overthrow at the Boom Boom Bar. Really? I am very disappointed in you, cousins. - Fascist! - Oppressor of the proletariat! - Guy in charge. - Egg sucker. - Kill them. - We need to talk. - I want you. - This is hardly the time and place for that, Lena. I didn't mean that. What I mean is I think we can do this together. - I think I can help you. - I have just found out... that I have saboteurs in the tower. I still do not have the meteorite piece. I'm about to lose everything. We can talk about this later if later even occurs! - What you care about is her. - What I care about... is the future of our species! Oh! Very well then. If not with you, then on my own. - Now what are we gonna do? - I don't know. What? - Listen. - # Out of the long ago # - What? - # Warm as # - # The wind # - Trust me. # Soft as the kiss # - # Of sun # - What are ya... # 'Til then my sweet # # Think of me now and then # # God speed my love # # 'Til you are mine again # One, two, three. One, two, three. Eat it. - For me? - Uh- huh. Yeah. - I'm a vegetarian. - Oh? I don't eat anything with a face. I am kinda hungry, though. - Any chance of a plate of steamed vegetables? - Oh, yeah! Am I interrupting? Out. Bye. Lena, look, I know you don't want me here. So maybe... I like this room, don't you? It used to be my office until I... got promoted. Koopa needed me close by, you see. Lena, will you help me get out of here? Well, I think yes. I'd love to get you out of here! - Why are you doing this? - Because everyone... deserves what they've earned. - And I've earned this. - Ahh! - Ahh! - Ahh! Ten- hut! Forward, march! Vegetables. - You! - Yes, it's us! Your Most Royal Highness, please! - Is it possible you could assist us in escaping? - Help! - Help! - We're on your side! Please, princess! Help! Spikeasaurous, follow me! - Where are you going? - I have to help him. Stand still. - You stay, I'll go. - Okay, I'll stay, you go. - You stay, and I'll go. - Okay, I'll go. - Allow me. - I hope he's all right. Princess Daisy, we've always been your "loyalest" supporters. - We've been with your father since his demise. - My father? - What do you know about my father? - Come with us! - You tell her. - No, I think you should tell her. All right, we'll both tell her. Daisy, I think this may come as something of a shock. Daisy, may I present to you... your father. - The fungus. - Koopa's first victim of... de- evolution. This is my father? Yes. - Perhaps at this moment of delicacy... - A delicate moment. - A retreat is in order. - An ordered retreat. - Those that fight and run away... - Live to fight... another day. How did you know they'd do that? 'Cause everybody loves to dance, that's why. A dancin' lizard's like dancin' crocodiles... Oh! - Oh, wow. - Oh, man. Oh. Oh, I hate heights. How we gonna get across? - I can make it. I got a good feelin'. - You're not gonna jump? Come on, somebody's gotta do it. We don't got no other choice, right? - Luigi, this is curtains for us. This is not Miraculous World! - I- I gotta go for it! - Luigi! - Ahhh! I'm flyin; Mario, I'm flyin;! Come on, come on, I told you. All you had to do was trust. Come on. Just do it, come on. Just have faith. Jump. You're flyin'. Come on, Mario, come on. Just trust. Jump! Come on. - Okay, okay, I ju... just... yeah, okay. - Come on, come on. No, no, wait, Mario. Don't jump, no! It's not... - I'm not flyin'! It's just a... hook. - Ahhh! Mario! - Luig... - Oops. Sorry. - Mario, I gotcha! - Luigi! Ah! Luigi, I'm alive! Good catch, huh, Mario? I should try out for the Yankees! I'd high- five ya, but then you'd be an only child. Come on, let's go get Daisy. - Let's swing it over there. Yeah. Okay. - Pull with me. My father? What have they done to you? Can you even hear me? Yoshi! Oh, look what she did to you. Ah! - Mario? - Daisy? Luigi? Mario? It's Daisy! Daisy, we're comin'! Let's get ya outta this. Luigi? Mario? Can you hear me? - Daisy, where are you? - I'm in Devo Four. Daisy. - Oh, man, it's cold. - It's workin'. It's freezin' up. - Great. - Boy. - Hey, M- Mario, did you see that? - What? It's tryin' to communicate. Luigi, it's a mushroom. Come on. Luigi! Here! Come back! - There she is. - In here! This way! Good news, sir. The troops are in place, ready to de- evolve the mammals. In place ready to what? Now? Who ordered their deployment? You did, sir. Lena relayed the command. We carried it out immediately. Lena. She has the rock. Arrest her! - Daisy! - Luigi, oh! Later, let's get outta here. This place is crawling alive... - with giant lizards, come on! - Wait! Wait, wait, wait! Listen. I know this is gonna sound a little strange, but... I want you to meet... my father. Come on. Dad! - Oh, man. - Well, at least he was my father. He used to be the leader here until Koopa turned him into... all this... fungus. - Oh, man. - It's an honor to meet you, sir... and a pleasure, and I just, just wanna thank you for all your help. Come on, Luigi, you be talkin' to the mildew in the shower next. But, Mario, don't you see, it's been tryin' to help us all along. Giving us the little things when we were hanging. Come on, he wants to clobber Koopa too. - Oh, how's Daniella? Is she all right? - Daniella? I promised to take her to Wrestlemania. You mean, you don't know? What? She's in the Goomba barracks on the 51 st floor. - Come on, Daisy, come on! - Hi- de- ho, mammals! Goomba! If you touch her I'll kill you! I'll meet you in the playground after school. You murderer! Now, your father's still... hanging around, isn't he? Prepare for the invasion! And ready the troops. We're going down. Station closing. Military personnel only. Hey, you. Open up! Restricted area. No unauthorized personnel. Restricted area. No unauthorized personnel. - Hello, Lena! - Ah! - Greetings from Koopa! - Ah! Ah, the rock. - Yeah, we get some blankets. - Yeah, we're freezin' our, our... Look, the point is we're freezin'here. They are not gonna believe this at work. This is a violation of our civil liberties. Can't you get somebody to fix the heating? - Hmpf! - How can they let us suffer like this? - What are they, completely cold- blooded? - Yes, moron. They're reptiles. Well, just because they're reptiles, doesn't mean... They can't show some basic human decency. - Angelica, come here. - What? Okay, don't say anything, but my boyfriend, Mario, is right up there. - What? - Shh! Hi, Mario! He'll get us outta here! He- e- e- e- e- y, ya! - Oh, Mario, I knew you'd come for me! - You betcha. - Yes! You did it! - Honey, listen. Get that mattress, the Goomba mattress. Take it over there. Come on, girls, get the Goomba mattress. Pick it up, get that side. Move it, move it! Hey! Hey! - It's heavy. - Come on, bring it over here. Very good! - Hurry! - Hey, you must be the girls, the missing girls from Brooklyn! Yeah, except for Angelica. She's from Queens but she's all right. I'm freezin' my butt off here. There's cold air comin' from that air vent. Yeah, we froze the pipes. We're goin' for a little ride. Hail Koopa. Sir, I believe you were looking for this. Excellent. Release Lena. Princess! Ready to help me destroy humankind? Muster the Goombas! Hand out the de- evolution guns. Prepare for destiny! Where's my pizza? - Goombas! - Goombas! Down! Duck! Now! Gotcha! Devo guns ready? Are you all right? - Are they all right? - Right. - Mario- roni! - Daniella! Too late, humans! - Sir, you pizza's here. - Not now. Looks like I win. Soon you and everyone in your world... - will all be de- evolved into... - Sir? Sir? - What is it now? - The Goombas are dancing again. Deal with it! Will be de- evolved into... monkeys. Ha! Oof! Ahhhhh! Gimme that. Die, plumbers! Work, work, work, work! - Take my tools and get outta those handcuffs. - Here, hold this. - Mario! Take my belt. - What? Trust the fungus. Look out! All right! Yeah, heh- heh! Where are you? Where are you? Ah! Ah! Yes! You wanna rock, I'll give ya a rock. - Where's the rock? - Hey! You lookin' for this? Give it to me. Gimme that rock, you monkey. That's mine! Give it to me! - I'll show him... - We've gotta stop her. - Come on, girls, let's go. - Who are you? Luigi Mario. What, you got a problem with that? - I don't got a problem. - No. Okay, come on, let's go. My time is come! The universe is mine! Die, die, you mammal! You give me that rock! Ahhh! My time has come! And the rock will merge our two dimensions. Lena, don't! You're too late. You see, I do have the power to merge the worlds, Princess. - It's not too late. We've gotta stop her. - All right. Come on, girls, come on, let's go! - Where are we going? - Back from where you came. Come on, move it, this way! Come and get it, lizard breath! - It's a B- bomb! - He's got a B- bomb! B- bomb? Messed up again, mammal. All right. Come on. Come and get it. Come on. Come on, ruffle head, let's see what you're made of. - Don't look down. Don't look down. - Get outta my way! - Go on. You've gotta get through and tell everybody! - Go! Go back to Brooklyn. Tell 'em about the invasion and the Goombas! - Oh! - Good luck, Luigi! It's incredible! Uh. Yikes. Man, she sure makes an impression. That's what Koopa meant. Only I can withstand the force. - Come on. - No! I- It's jammed in. I can't get it. Luigi, we've gotta stop it. We've gotta get it out. Grab on to me! Come and get it. Uh- oh. Oh. It's melting. We're merging. You don't have the rock! You filthy mammal. We're merging! I'm gonna drill it out! - Gimme the wheel puller. It looks like a corkscrew. - This? Yeah. Hold on to me, all right? Look! It's Koopa's tower! Those guys'll do anything for publicity. Mario? It's Brooklyn! My world! Gimme that devo gun. - He's trying again? - What is this? Monkey! Scapelli? Boss! What'd they do to you? And now, I'm gonna make a monkey... - outta you, plumber. - Trust the fungus. What? No! B- bomb! Take a gun. Go. - What are you doin'? - It's okay. - He's a friend. - Here. Go! Mario! Shoot him! Shoot him! Stupid! Ahhh! Plumbers! You plumbers! Duck! Hey! See ya later, alligator! - Need a lift? - What? - Come on, get on my feet. - Oh, right. Oh, Luigi, Mario. Oh, I'm back. Love those plumbers. It's solid. All right. Come on, let's go. I can't. You mean, you wanna stay? Until we can get things settled here and... I can get to know my father. Come on, Daisy, you know how I feel about you, right? I wanna be with you. I do too, but... I can't. She's tryin' to tell ya she can't leave here until she knows where she belongs. And if you loved her, you'd understand that. And if I had any sense, I'd mind my own business. Okay, come on. Come on. It's open. Come on, Luigi, come on. Bye. Are these the sounds of a music that comes to us... across the vastness of space? Judge for yourself. Alternate worlds... Hey, I love that dress. I never seen that before. That's what you said last time you saw it, Mr. Wonderful. Luigi. Are you gonna stop mopin'around? Come on. Luigi! Come 'n' eat. It's beautiful. ...the story of the Mario Brothers. Mario, we're on The Miraculous World! Come on, hurry up! - Oh! - courageously crossed the dimensional bridge... and managed to return the missing Brooklyn girls... and save a parallel world from a ruthless dictator. Monkey- fried to the max. I'd call them the Super Mario brothers. - Yes! - He- e- e- e- e- y, glug, glug, glug! It's open. - Luigi! Mario! - Daisy! You gotta come with me. I need your help. - Why? Wh- Wh- What's wrong? - You're never gonna believe this. - I believe it. - You do? I believe. # Babe # # Come in from the cold and put that coat # # To rest # # Step inside # # Take a deep breath # # And do what you do best # # Yes # # Kick off them shoes and leave those # # City streets # # I do believe # # Love came our way # # And fate did arrange for us to meet # # I love when you do that hocus- pocus to me # # The way that you touch you've got the power to heal # # You give me that look It's almost unreal # # It's almost unreal # # Hey # # We can't stop the rain Let's find a place # # By the fire # # Sometimes I feel # # Strange as it seems # # You've been in my dreams all my life # # I love when you do that hocus- pocus to me # # The way that you touch You've got the power to heal # # You give me that look # # It's almost unreal # # It's a crazy world out there # # Let's hope our prayers are in good hands tonight # # Oh, I love when you do that hocus- pocus to me # # The way that you touch You've got the power to heal # # You give me that look # # It's almost unreal # # It's almost unreal so unreal # # Then come on and do that hocus- pocus to me # # The way that you touch You've got the power to heal # # You give me that look # # It's almost unreal # # It's almost unreal, yeah # # It's almost unreal # # Do the hocus- pocus to me # # Do the hocus- pocus # # It's almost unreal # # Do the hocus- pocus to me ## # Goom- goom lock- a lock- a lock- a goom # # Goom- goom lock- a lock- a goom- goom # # Goom- goom lock- a lock- a lock- a goom # # Goom- goom lock- a lock- a goom- goom # # It was a night like this 40 million years ago # # I lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey skull to go # # The sun was spittin'fire The sky was blue as ice # # I felt a little tight So I watched Miami Vice # - # I walk the dinosaur # - # Whoo # - # I walk the dinosaur # - # Uh- huh, huh- huh # # Open the door Get on the floor # # Everybody walk the dinosaur # # Open the door Get on the floor # # Everybody walk the dinosaur # # Open the door Get on the floor # # Everybody walk the dinosaur # # Open the door Get on the floor # # Everybody walk the dinosaur # # Goom- goom, lock- a lock- a lock- a goom # # Goom- goom lock- a lock- a goom- goom # # Goom- goom lock- a lock- a lock- a goom # # Goom- goom lock- a lock- a lock- a goom ## Well, I must say. We have a very exciting proposal. A video game based on your many adventures. What would you call it? "Iggy's World." "The Indomitable Spike." "The Super Koopa Cousins."
3 11

A Shitpost I made yesterday that got 800+ upvotes

Last Tuesday, at about 9:30 PM, I got a phone call from the local PD. My son was one of four teenage boys in a vehicle that was pulled over for suspiciously obeying all traffic laws. The police did a routine search of the vehicle and while they did not find any drugs, alcohol, or weapons, they did find a paper grocery bag containing Bayonetta 2 for the Switch as well as a Bayonetta plushie. My son admitted it was all his. They made him stomp on the plushie and fling the game into the woods, gave him a warning, and called me.

While I am grateful that they didn't cite him for camping in a school zone, which they easily could have, I have to admit that I am responsible for this in some way. As a father, one likes to imagine that his kids are somehow better than *those* *other* *kids* messing with Rosas and crap, but that is not always the case. There were warning signs with my son, not only did I miss them, but I *dismissed* them.

In all honesty, he has probably been using campy characters since he was 12. I remember one time I took his "Wobblers Guide by Chudat" for the all night CRT party he was participating in at his dirty friend's house in the shantytown across the railroad tracks and they were playing Melee.

"But Dad! They are playing Sheik and Pikachu! There's no other way to win!"

How could I say no? He would be ridiculed and that damage to his ego was just not worth it to me at the time. I let him go.

Fast forward a couple of years and I catch him sneaking a Wii Remote and Nunchuks into the house. When I confronted him about it, he was ready with his excuses. "I'm playing Snake, I promise!" "I'm *not* using Icies or Meta Knight." "Lots of good players play Brawl too!"etc.

I let it go.

But then other things started happening: he didn't go 0-2 at locals, he was reluctant to Falcon ditto me, and he shrugged at the chance to watch Mango play. He stopped programming, started reading "50 Places To Camp Before You Die" and I swear to God, I heard him listen to Chudat's raps one time. One of his friends even told me that he made a joke about Dabuz at school.

I ignored all of this at the time because I had finally perfected my Falco game in Melee and had beaten my son. He seemed to enjoy my gameplay.

But then one night, I caught him red-handed. He was playing Bayonetta, and this was in the Pre-Patch days. I reprimanded him.

"What is this, L+R+A+Start and switch to Ganon this instant!"

He just grumbled. I walked over to do it for him, and he attacked me. He hit me in the jaw, and then started pounding me in the face when I was down. I managed to subdue him from my years of Wavedashing out of shield, and found, to my horror, that he was using only a Wiimote to play Bayo. I ziptied him to his bed and ransacked his room to find his secret stash of Bayo games and Brawl discs. He laughed maniacally and said I would never find it. I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "You have brought dishonor on our family. You will not move from this spot until you tell me where it is." He stared back and did not say a word. I punched him in his stupid face and ransacked the house looking for the Bayo gear he hid. I found it hours later underneath a tile in our Delfino Plaza. I destroyed the stash right there, went up to my son's room brandishing the smashed piece of outdated filth and said, "Never again." I left him tied up there for three days just to prove my point.

Six months passed without further incident. He switched to Falcon, quit making Dabuz memes, all that crap. I thought I had done my job, but no, I just gave him more of an incentive tohide his camping habit.

Then this happened. The proof is incontrovertible: my son is a camper. And now I am at this crossroads: is my son a camper *despite*of me, or *because* of me? Did I push Falcon on him too early? Was that new GameCube controller I gave him on his 6th birthday that only worked for Melee for him, or for *me*? Am I to blame for all of this?

No. All hail the Plup Club, my son can die in a ditch.
7 7